Big Time Razor's Edge
by AncientCovenants
Summary: 'Big Time Rush can't take much more of this... sooner or later, one or all of us are gonna snap.'
1. Chapter 1

**Big Time Razor's Edge**

This story is dedicated to the most brilliant person I know because she beta's my stuff, comments on it and helps me figure out where I'm going and how to get there, especially in this story. Without her, I could not have written this, my first ever BTR fan-fic! Whoo-whoo! So a big shout-out and a huge _THANK YOU!_ to my beta, my consultant (since I know absolutely nothing about psychology...), my friend and my sister, **_GingerGuardianAngel_**! *Cue cheers!*

Welcome to BTRE. I'm über-excited about writing this story and I hope you like it, too! So without futher adieu, let's jump right in!

**Title:** Big Time Razor's Edge

**Summary:** _'Big Time Rush can't take much more of this... sooner or later, one or all of us are gonna snap.'_

**Genre:** _Angst_, Drama, _Family_, Friendship, Hurt/Comfort _(Italics are the main genres.)_

**Rating:** T for... oh, you'll find out...

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><p><strong><span>Chapter One<span> -**

_'Big Time Rush can't take much more of this... sooner or later, one or all of us are gonna snap.'_

Those were the words that caused a miracle to occur: Gustavo had given them the rest of the day off... until six o'clock, that is. Still, it was just past one now so those few hours of rest from harmonies and dance practice and just _everything_ was immensely welcome.

James was poolside, listening to music and reading PopTiger, as per usual, and last time he saw Carlos he was trying to pick up a girl with a corn dog in one hand and his helmet in the other-still, at least he wasn't wearing it. As for himself, Jo got of work at three so he had a couple hours to kill before meeting up with her for their date.

_Click._ The bathroom door closed and locked just as Kendall entered the apartment. His mom was out shopping and Katie was off messing with Bitters, so that only left one person: Logan. He shrugged. He could always take a shower after he got everything ready for his date.

About an hour later, he put the finishing touches on the picnic he'd packed for them. He set the basket next to the blanket on the counter and headed for the bathroom-only to find it still locked. Well, _that_ was weird. Logan didn't usually take very long in the bathroom, not even if he had a date. He knocked on the door.

"Logie? Logan, listen, I've got a date with Jo and it's really hot in L.A. so if I could just take a quick shower, that'd be great..."

He waited for an answer or the _click_ of the lock, _anything_, but all he was met with was silence. He sighed and plopped down on the couch, leg shaking in anticipation. He stared counting the seconds: _One Minnesota, two Minnesota, three Minnesota, four Minnesota..._ The door opened.

Only it wasn't the bathroom door, it was the front door. Katie walked in intently focused on her Game Boy, not even sparing a glance at her brother. Suddenly, Kendall was struck with inspiration.

"Hey, Katie..."

"No." His sister kept walking.

"What? You don't even know that I was gonna ask you something!"

She sighed and paused mid-stride, still playing her game. "Were you?"

"Well, yes, but..."

"Then the answer's still no. I'm in the middle of level 69 and I still have 12 more levels to beat after this one to finish the game."

Kendall thought for a moment. "If you help me out, I won't tell mom you spent your allowance on a lock-picking kit."

Katie narrowed her eyes and looked up. "Are you blackmailing me?"

"No... I'm just giving you some _incentive_ to help me."

"Been using Logan's word-of-the-day calendar?" She paused her game and put it on the counter. "Fine, what do you want?"

"I need you to pick the lock on the bathroom door."

That was an odd request and Katie face clearly showed it. "Why?"

"Logan's in there and he's taking _waaaay_ too long." She raised an eyebrow at him. "Longer-than-James long." He clarified.

"Fine," She whipped out her new kit and walked towards the bathroom door. "I needed to try it out anyways..."

Kendall joined her as she fiddled with the lock-he checked his watch-for just under a minute. _Mom was right,_ he thought. _she _does_ watch too much FOX._

Kendall smirked as she grabbed her game and left. "Thank you, Katie." He sing-songed.

"Whatever."

He turned back to the door; it was time to find out what Logan was up to. He grabbed the knob and tried calling to him one last time.

"Logan? It's me, Kendall... I'm coming in, alright?"

There was still no answer.

He sighed and turned the knob, now officially half afraid at what he might find on the other side.

But he couldn't have prepared himself for what he saw when he swung open the door.

At first he thought his mind was playing tricks on him; Logan wasn't even in the bathroom. But then he spied something glinting near the toilet and the edge of a shoe sole. He took the few steps into the bathroom and saw that Logan had somehow managed to wedge himself between the toilet and the bathtub in such a way that he was nearly invisible.

But what had his stomach plummeting was the scared deer-caught-in-headlights look on Logan's face and the fact that one arm was thrown over the edge of the bathtub, fingers limp as they and his wrist cried out red tears.

Well, that and the realization that the object that he'd seen by Logan's shoe was a black razor and the "glinting" was blood.

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><p><strong>AN:** Well, I did warn you it was rated T for a reason, which you now know.

Chapter two will be up in two weeks, give or take a few days because of life-stuff...

In the meantime... I'd love to know what you think! *hint, hint*


	2. Chapter 2

**Big Time Razor's Edge**

I have good news! I bring you chapter two a half a week early! But I also have some bad news... apparently the meter that measures how much electricity our house uses up is broken so until that is fixed I can't update or use any other electrical appliances (it's cold, my fingernails are purple going towards blue as I'm typing this and I need heat _badly!_)... I'm sorry!

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><p><strong>Chapter Two<strong>** - **

"Logan..."

It didn't help, his name gasped out like a line in a horror movie or the look of fear and sympathy in Kendall's eyes; it made him want to run away, far and fast, just run and keep on running and never look back...

And worst of all, it made him want to hurt himself all the more. Because that he could do, easily and without a thought... but he never wanted to hurt _them_.

But you always hurt the ones you love. Isn't that how the saying went? So it came to reason that sooner or later he would hurt them, all the same.

And it was that realization that made him give in, turned him from the cornered creature, pressed against the wall with eyes as wide as saucers to the worn and weary Logan, head lolling to his chest, who was just plain _tired_.

"Logie?"

There was something warm massaging his shoulder, gripping his neck, lifting his head... comfort. He didn't deserve it.

This wasn't supposed to be happening, they weren't supposed to know, they weren't supposed to find out...

They weren't supposed to be the ones freaking out or near tears and, _damn it_, he could _hear it_ in Kendall's voice, the slight hitch, the ever so subtle crack forming on the dam that would eventually break. And it was all his fault.

"Logie? Can you hear me? It's all right. It'll be okay; we'll get you to a hospital and you'll be fine..."

The crack was getting bigger, deeper and wider. Dams were built for a reason, he had to make sure this one didn't burst.

"'s not as bad as it looks. Jus' need to clean it up and sle'p it off..."

"But you're..."

"Hey..." The warmth felt nice, so nice... "'m gonna be a doct'r, 'member?"

He was the smart one, and he'd be damned before he let anyone take that from him.

The soothing warmth seemed to agree and left, presumably to follow its orders.

He was dreaming. No, he wasn't. When had he fallen asleep? He hadn't. A nap. A cat nap. He liked cats. He must have dozed off...

Warmth was back along with fluffy... stuff. Stuff was towel. Right. _Focus, Logan, must stay focused._ His arm and wrist and hand were being cleaned with something wet. A washcloth. But there was no pain. A washcloth soaked in water then. Warmth wrapped itself around his forearm.

"This is gonna sting..."

Logan bit his tongue. _Don't scream, don't scream..._ He still whimpered as wetness ran across his wounds and became an evil, burning entity eating him alive; God, he hated antiseptic.

Warmth had a cousin it seemed, long and flexible and somewhat stretchy: thy name was bandages. They wrapped around him, mostly covering and keeping the wound but also winding around his hand, between this pointer and his thumb, as was the rule; for injuries of the wrist, immobilize the hand so as not to risk aggravating the injury.

_Skritch._ The tearing of tape to hold the bandage in place. _Skritch._

The injured area was warm now.. warm was good, warm was healing.

"Are you sure you shouldn't go to the hospital?"

"'m shure."

"Okay. Can you walk?"

Logan blinked. It was Kendall in front of him, Kendall and his twin. Blink. No, that was silly, there was only one Kendall. Blink, blink. Ah, there he was. What was it that he'd been asked? He was sure it was absurd at the time...

Apparently he'd taken too long to answer because Kendall was pulling him up by his good hand.

Oh, standing was not his friend... although it looked like bungee jumping certainly was, judging by how the floor seemed to rush up to meet him before he was pulled away. But he'd fallen... wait, no, he hadn't. But his feet couldn't feel the floor...

He was being carried. Wonderful. As if the day couldn't possibly get any worse, he was being treated like a little child, like an invalid; his wrist itched.

Was this how people were going treat him from now on? Carefully, cautiously, like a piece of glass? Like a frayed rubber band about to snap? He was still Logan, the smart one, the cautious one, the one one who wanted to be a doctor, who was shy around girls, even if the girl liked him back, the one who-the one who buckled under pressure whether it was fainting or cutting...

He couldn't do anything right, could he?

He shivered even as he was layed down on his bed and covered with extra blankets. Curling up on his side, he hid his face under the covers so that Kendall wouldn't see the treacherous tears escaping his eyes. The bed sank besides him.

"Are you okay? Is there anything else I can get you?"

He wanted to scream, _"I'm not an infant! I can take care of myself!"_ But all he could do was try not to whimper and break apart even further. He never wanted anyone to see him like this: weak, pathetic. And yet, there was a little part of him that didn't care anymore, that wanted Kendall to stay and sit with him and comfort him even if he didn't deserve it.

"I'm fine."

_Damn it!_ His voice apparently decided not to listen to him and sent warmth and comfort away with a steady lie.

A moment's hesitation was all Logan needed to know that there was something more on Kendall's mind but he was too afraid to ask what it was. And apparently even the man who had an answer for everything couldn't seem to find the words to give voice to his thoughts. And so he gave up and left.

Logan curled up even tighter and let his thoughts blur together until they disappeared and all that was left were tears and sobs. But everything must come to an end, and so that, too, faded away into the black nothingness of sleep.

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><p>I'm not all too happy with the ending of this chapter; something about it is <em>still<em> nagging at me... but oh, well. I deem it publish-worthy... and so does my beta so here it is! How'd y'all like Logan's POV, _hmm_?

_See ya next chapter!_


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